How to Fail Better
I want to offer my reflections on this popular topic of failing better and put it in the context of Pilgrim Endurance. Let’s begin with two things in mind. First, running injuries are statistically likely for you, if not inevitable. Second, sinning, missing the mark, or falling short is also inevitable.
Now, I realize there is a whole lot of baggage that comes with your understanding of sin, and I’m going to ask you at this moment to try to set it down and just enter into this. After which, you are free to go back and pick up your baggage as you please!
I’m not trying to say that your running injuries come from some kind of moral failure on your part! What I’m hoping to invite you into is the understanding that both of these (injury and missing the mark) are to be expected, not out of fatalism but acceptance. One of the treasures of my counseling journey has been the recognition that the repair matters so much more than the break. I invite you to consider how you might live so that repair of your running injuries and of your falling short becomes more skillful.
First, we find some obstacles in the way.
You think you’re fine, and all of a sudden, you begin to feel some pain in your knee or the bottom of your foot. Maybe you keep running on it, thinking it will go away. Or maybe you get worried and lose your stoke for running. Maybe you go to a physical therapist, or maybe you don’t, but at the end of the day, it’s not clear to you how to approach this first-time experience. Or maybe you’ve had an injury before, but now the pain is in a different place, and it doesn’t quite feel the same. The question remains: How do I approach this?
Now for some obstacles on the spiritual end: You think you’re fine, and all of a sudden, you begin to feel some pain around an interaction with another person or yourself. Maybe you keep pushing forward, thinking it will go away. Or maybe you avoid that interaction. Maybe you reach out for support, or maybe you don’t, but at the end of the day, it’s not clear to you how to approach this new experience. I think most people see themselves as “good people” who fall short rarely, but I also think there are a significant number of people who have quite a low self-esteem. I know I’ve been there. Then “missing the mark” turns into shame, the thought that “I’m a bad person,” rather than that “I messed up.” The question remains: How do I approach this?
I see two main obstacles in our context. First, injury is an easy way to lose consistency and stoke for running. Second, missing the mark can easily lead to shame, which sucks us into more falling short. So then, how shall we repair better?
First, let us hope in kindness.
First, let us trade in our expectation that we will not experience injury or miss the mark for the hope that comes from self-kindness and gentleness. This is the posture I invite you to take toward these situations and in the time between these events. What a challenge it can be to be kind and gentle to ourselves! This is the only real setting for change, otherwise it turns to shame.
Second, reach out for support.
Bring it into the light and find connection with others who offer you kindness and gentleness. This is not a space for people who don’t accept the reality of the situation. It is a space for people who are working with you on this, and I hope you read my blog for more on gathering your support team! Once you take care of yourself, then you can move to repair.
Third, invest in repair.
This looks like accepting the situation as it is, whether your ankle truly is sprained or you truly offended your spouse. Then you take responsibility for what is yours, like ankle strengthening or pausing during heated conversation. Then you make a plan for change. That plan is incomplete without ways to try to prevent it happening again, and none of this works without that foundation of kindness and gentleness for yourself.
